Tag Archives: UFC

Study: Fedor the most underrated and overrated fighter in MMA history – physicists say God finally disproved

A recent study of Mixed Martial Arts message boards has revealed a shocking statistic that has the International Organization of Physicists questioning the very nature of existence. The group said that the data, which indicates that Russian heavyweight Fedor Emelianenko is simultaneously viewed as both the most “underrated and overrated fighter in the history of the violent young sport,” has no parallel in the time tested tradition of scientific exploration.

The un-God Particle...

In a statement released today the group declared the polarizing results are “virtually undeniable proof that there is no higher power.”

“It is this organization’s consensual view that any and all attempts to rectify this level of self-delusion with a higher being or “God” would shatter the entire foundation of not only physics but what is collectively viewed as the metaphysically tangible world. While great philosophers have pondered the nature of mankind’s existence throughout time, at least the question of a higher power can be finally put to rest,” the group said from a prepared statement posted on their website.

While the Institute’s statistical modeling filled three volumes of last month’s Journal of Physics, researchers were alarmed that the incredible results were being totally ignored by the media and public-at-large.

“It’s almost like if it didn’t happen in the U.F.C. then it didn’t happen at all,” said a scientist associated with the research who wished to remain unidentified.

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Upcoming UFC on FX event to be presented “By Rape”

In a shocking move today UFC owner Lorenzo Fertitta stepped in from behind the scenes and finally broke silence about the Dana White vs. Miguel Torres Twitter Rape-Gate scandal, and the Zuffa head honcho had more than just kind words for the former WEC Bantamweight champ.

Fertitta told MMA Gonzo that not only would Torres be instated in the UFC immediately, but the former 135-pound kingpin would co-headline a special UFC on FX card sponsored by the Rape industry.

Have you heard the one about the Nun and the Priest?

“Dana kind of dropped the ball on this one,” Fertitta told MMA Gonzo pool side at the Palms Casino. “Rape can be funny.

I mean, you can’t just go up to girls and scream ‘I’m going to rape you!’ or ‘Remember when I raped you? Wasn’t that awesome!’  But alluding to it comically isn’t necessarily a punch-line death sentence. Not to mention Miguel was referencing “Always Sunny on Philadelphia,” Fertitta explained.

“I’ve been on the phone with the Rape people, and to make it up to them and Miguel, we’re going to host a special one-night live  UFC on FX event sponsored by Rape.”

MMA Gonzo confirmed with various UFC sources that the aforementioned fight card will feature the aforementioned featherweight in a co-main event match-up  with an opponent yet-to-be determined and is tentatively scheduled to take place June 9th in Anaheim.

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Rampage looking to return to Pride-era form

In a recent press conference in advance of UFC 144,  Quinton “Rampage” Jackson hinted that a return to Japan might reinvigorate his fighting style:

“One thing I love about the Japanese fans and why I love them the most out of everybody is because they don’t care if you win or lose,” Jackson said. “That’s why Japanese fans are my favorite. American fans are jealous that I say that all the time. In America, you’re under so much pressure to win and win at any cost. … In Japan it’s just a different energy and stuff like that, so who knows, I may take more chances and not care, because it’s all about the crowd.”

Godzilla aint got shit on me!

MMA Gonzo has learned from a source close to Jackson, that the former UFC Light Heavyweight Champion will also be returning to his old Pride form, electing not to seriously train for his upcoming UFC 144 tilt against Ryan Bader.

“Page is looking to go full samurai for this one, just like the old days,” the source explained, “and that means no training, just like the old days.”

“When he power-bombed Arona? He was on a three-day sushi and energy-drink bender,” the source continued. “I know it’s crazy, but for Page it works – most of the time. He took it a little too far against Sakuraba, thought he actually was Godzilla all the way to the ring.”

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Exclusive: Papy Abedi’s cigar reflects on UFC 138 experience

Two weeks after his life-partner’s submission loss to Thiago Alves at UFC 138, Papy Abedi’s cigar has had plenty of time to reflect. MMA Gonzo caught up with the Roko, the Cameroon-Dominican blend back home with Papy in Sweden

Papy and Roko face off against Thiago Alves at the UFC 138 Weigh-in.

MMA Gonzo: Looking back at the night, how do you feel about the way things went?

Roko:

“Looking back, I remember that the entrance was perfect, Papy and I nailed it. After that, when Papy had to put me down and enter the cage, I think something was just missing.”

MMA Gonzo: What was missing?

Roko:

“Well not to sound arrogant or anything, but mostly me. When we’re training I’m always there in Papy’s mouth, helping him through the techniques and just generally encouraging him. Without me there, he just seemed to kind of abandon the gameplan we had worked on.”

MMA Gonzo: Did you discuss the possibility of you and Papy entering the Octagon together with the Athletic Comission?

Roko:

“Let’s get serious here, I’m a cigar.  The UFC definitely wants a tough-guy image, but smoking just isn’t hip with the Zuffa brass. Papy and I talked about smuggling a small bit of my tobacco into his mouthpiece, but in the end if we decided that if we couldn’t do it the right way we weren’t going to cheat.”

 

Papy and Roko pose for a photo.

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Fox Officials reportedly planning Family Guy-UFC tie-in

MMA Gonzo has learned from a high-ranking Fox Television employee that the Nov. 12 inaugural UFC on Fox broadcast will feature play-by-play from an unlikely member of the Fox “Family” –  Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane.

Welcome back to the Comedy Central roast of Bronson Pinchot...

The interesting move not only highlights just how little Fox executives care about the UFC product, it’s not even popular with McFarlane, who the source says usually will attach his name to literally anything:

“Word around the campfire is that Seth may do the entire fight in that Stewie voice, just because he’s so pissed about the whole thing,” said the source, which was definitely not a member of the 27-time Emmy award winning staff of “The Simpsons.”

“Seth wants so badly to be considered hip, hence all those atrocious Comedy Central roasts, but he wants nothing to do with the UFC, or any type of sporting activity not involving plastic surgery,”  continued the source, in no way affiliated with the  longest-running American primetime, scripted television series.

“Fox still owns his soul from his earlier ‘not so comfortably in the closet,’ days.”

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Rumour: UFC-brand furniture may be coming soon

MMA Gonzo Rumour Wire

No, you're not in the Twilight zone, this shit actually exists...

Wan’t to “Get in on” in the Octagon? You might have the chance soon… Zuffa LLC. is rumoured to be in negotiations for a UFC based furniture line, which may include a faux-chain lined Octagon parasol bed.

UFC president Dana White weighed in on the possibility of UFC-branded furniture.

“If people want to buy this fucking shit, we’ll make it. I personally prefer sleeping on a water mattress filled with  the fucking entrails of those who dare oppose me, but to each his own,” said White. “We’re just touching the tip of the iceberg with this shit, wait to you see what we have in store for the kitchen.”

Stay tuned to MMA Gonzo for the latest cage-fighting capitalism updates.

-JT

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Gracie Gym source: Diaz readying for press conferences

An inside source at Cesar Gracie’s Gym told MMA Gonzo that UFC welterweight Nick Diaz’s preparation for his upcoming UFC 137 bout against B.J. Penn  is “85 percent public speaking”:

Today...I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of this earth, homie.

“Nick’s already got great boxing, and killer subs, so he’s kind of got the MMA stuff all figured out – until he gets on the mic, that’s been kind of embarrassing,” said the source. “This fight camp instead of focusing on the physical aspects of training, Nick and Cesar have both agreed that he should spend his time learning how to put a sentence together.”

“That’s not to mention all the time we’ve put into the etiquette and manors work we’ve done,” continued the source, “I can guarantee you one thing – Win, lose, or draw next week, Nick is definitely going to pick up the salad fork first at his post-fight meal.”

The source went on to say that Diaz’s tardiness to Wednesday’s UFC 137 media conference call was simply “going over notes for the call.”

The results of Diaz’s tireless efforts trying to become fluent in English certainly showed at Wednesday’s call. An excerpt from the proceedings:

“I don’t get no help and I don’t worry about no help. That’s what takes up all my time, training. I’m trying to become the best in the world here,” said Diaz.

“And that’s the best in the world! Alright? That’s what you’re dealing with here. This is a whole world out there. Ain’t nobody can beat me. That’s pretty bad.”

Stay tuned to MMA Gonzo.com for more UFC 137 updates.

-JT

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The Last Temptation of Jason Reinhardt.

The Last Temptation of Jason Reinhardt.

By: Pierre Stapleton

We’ve all seen it a million times. The lobby of the fighter hotel, jam-packed with combatants and eager fans alike. All a pile of souls milling about looking for either the elevator or an autograph, but for one lackluster UFC fighter-this was his “moment”.

Amidst the pre-fight chaos, MMA veteran Jason Reinhardt was sitting in the corner hashing out his game plan, talking about the wild world of wonder and possibilities, the epic “can’s and can’t dos” with his team of consultants.

To the layperson it would appear that Reinhardt was actually sitting alone, but MMA Gonzo has it on solid authority from “sources close to the situation” that Reinhardt was conversing with several of his inner-personalities.

The conversation was intense, noticeable from Reinhardt’s wild-frenzy driven eyes, and from the basic skills of observation it became obvious he had come to terms with what had to be done. There would be no Hosannas on this day for it was deemed that Reinhardt would sacrifice himself to the sport on the Sabbath.

MMA Gonzo caught with Rodrigo (Reinhardt’s 4th inner-companion) and this is what he had to say:

“It was a grizzly scene. Most fighters would say that most of the work preparing for a fight happens in the gym but with Jason, it is all happening upstairs. Now I can’t release the details of that floor plan because it would disrupt the eco-system we have here but do you know who M.C. Escher is?”

After 15 minutes of conversation on “Artistic Illusions” we finally got back to the subject at hand.

“Make no bones about it; Jason knew what was needed of him. The burden of coming into a fight you are going to lose is tough enough but when you put the entire burden of the sport on your shoulders, well that becomes an entirely different issue. I co-signed on the religious motivations only because I was forced to by the other occupants. They figured since the card fell on Sunday it was all something they could support. I normally wouldn’t push this agenda because I’m an atheist.”

Knowing the road ahead of him was grim; Reinhardt entered the ring and prepared for the pain that was to come. His suffering would not be quick, nor would it be drawn out, simply one and a half rounds of beating served fresh from the hands and feet of Brazilian upstart Edwin Figueroa. After the crowd cried for mercy and the referee stopped the one-sided violence, his task was finished. Wild eyes now wobbled, Reinhardt knew his “mision para Dios” had been completed. He shuffled back to his corner, mumbled to his inner-counsel and made the long march back to obscurity.

Rodrigo added, “No one will ever know what Jason did for the sport. Well they might because I’m giving this interview but I’m pretty sure that nobody believes anything I say anyways.”

A martyr of MMA or a bottom tier fighter with psychological issues?

You make the call — but don’t you dare call him crazy.

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Joe Son Do finally lives up to its lethal potential

Late-breaking news on the now readily apparent divinity of Keith Hackney:

Joe Son (best known to the world as “Random Task” from Austin Powers),

… the cross-bearing Kimo coach who entered the annals of MMA glory in UFC 4 with his seldom utilized “Iron Cup” defense, he of the recent life sentence for gang rape, finally has his first win in cage fighting – reportedly killing his cellmate in a recent altercation.

Officials say Joseph Son, 40, has been identified as a suspect in the death of an inmate at Wasco State Prison, reports CBS station KCBS. The 50-year-old inmate, who has not been publicly identified, was found dead in his cell on the evening of Oct. 10.

–from link

Of course, the cage fight involved here was against a middle-aged fellow sex offender and contested in a Wasco, California , prison cell, but regardless, the win does move Son’s record to 1-4 in No Holds Barred action (unofficially).

-JT

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