Category Archives: Uncategorized

Zuffa Source: Fuel TV considering “All Dana” programming shift

A source inside Zuffa LLC., the entertainment company that runs the UFC, told MMA Gonzo that Fox-owned cable channel Fuel TV was considering a move to a programming lineup consisting entirely of content focused on UFC President Dana White.

“From the vlogs, to the celebrity-boxing type stuff, there’s a lot of tape of Dana out there,” said the source.  “The folks at Fox think that Dana TV could evolve into something big.”

“They’ve got all the bases covered,” replied the source when questioned as to whether an All-Dana lineup could maintain fresh content. “They’ve got a bunch of Dana-brand spinoffs. ‘The Fight Business’ will be a show were MMA fans will compete to win a six-figure salary as a UFC executive — think the Apprentice, but with Dana instead of Donald. But there’s way more than that, a medical drama based on Menierre’s disease, an MMA roundtable like talking heads news show — and that’s not even getting into the ‘Dana after Dark’ programming.”

Introducing “Dana-vision”

Study: Fedor the most underrated and overrated fighter in MMA history – physicists say God finally disproved

A recent study of Mixed Martial Arts message boards has revealed a shocking statistic that has the International Organization of Physicists questioning the very nature of existence. The group said that the data, which indicates that Russian heavyweight Fedor Emelianenko is simultaneously viewed as both the most “underrated and overrated fighter in the history of the violent young sport,” has no parallel in the time tested tradition of scientific exploration.

The un-God Particle...

In a statement released today the group declared the polarizing results are “virtually undeniable proof that there is no higher power.”

“It is this organization’s consensual view that any and all attempts to rectify this level of self-delusion with a higher being or “God” would shatter the entire foundation of not only physics but what is collectively viewed as the metaphysically tangible world. While great philosophers have pondered the nature of mankind’s existence throughout time, at least the question of a higher power can be finally put to rest,” the group said from a prepared statement posted on their website.

While the Institute’s statistical modeling filled three volumes of last month’s Journal of Physics, researchers were alarmed that the incredible results were being totally ignored by the media and public-at-large.

“It’s almost like if it didn’t happen in the U.F.C. then it didn’t happen at all,” said a scientist associated with the research who wished to remain unidentified.

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Breaking news: UFC on Fox

MMA Gonzo’s sources inside at The Honda Center in Anaheim have verified that the crowd in attendance mistakenly believe they are at the Pacquiao vs. Marquez boxing match, scheduled for tonight in Las Vegas.

MMA Gonzo caught up with one bewildered spectator:

“I’m pretty drunk, but aren’t the referees supposed to stop them from going to the ground?” queried the fight fan, decked out in a home-made T-shirt depicting the famous vide0-game icon PacMan corpse riddled with bullets and bleeding and the hastily-scrawled inscription “Viva Marquez”.

Zuffa to establish fighter nickname panel

A high-ranking source inside Zuffa told MMA Gonzo that the company will soon be implementing an “official nickname panel” to screen fighters for their upcoming UFC and Strikeforce bouts:

And in the red corner... are you kidding me? Another "Assassin?"... f*^$@

 

 

The source explained:

“Dana can be edgy some times, but I haven’t seen him this worked up since Tito bowed out of that boxing match,” the source said. “But he’s practically foaming at the mouth, he says if he hears “Pitbull” one more time he’s going to bitch slap Scott Coker.”

 

“I don’t know what Coker has to do with nicknaming fighters, but that’s been Dana’s favorite threat ever since the acquisition,” the source continued.

 

Stay tuned to MMA Gonzo for the latest news from the nickname panel, which is expected to make a ruling on Kenny “Ken Flo” Florian soon.

 

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Bellator CEO Rebney defecting to stage

With the recent sale of a majority interest in Bellator Fighting Championships to media giant Viacom, MMA Gonzo has learned that Bellator founder and CEO Bjorn Rebney has told Bellator production staff that he will step down from the organization to pursue his second passion – musical theatre.

The Bellator boss is reportedly close to landing the role of Riff Raff in an off-off-Broadway Halloween season production of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.”

Science fiction...

MMA Gonzo caught up with Georgio Sandoval, who plays Dr. Frankenfurter, the sweet transvestite from transexual Transylvania, in the production.

“Everything’s groovy like an old Steve Reves’ movie,” Sandoval said. “We definitely needed a new Riff Raff after the Magenta incident, and Bjorn seems to be pretty dedicated.  He knows the script backwards and forwards – and you should see him do ‘The Time Warp.'”

Check out Bjorn and crew at the East Village YMCA, shows run through Halloween weekend.

...double feature