Monthly Archives: October 2011

Zuffa to establish fighter nickname panel

A high-ranking source inside Zuffa told MMA Gonzo that the company will soon be implementing an “official nickname panel” to screen fighters for their upcoming UFC and Strikeforce bouts:

And in the red corner... are you kidding me? Another "Assassin?"... f*^$@



The source explained:

“Dana can be edgy some times, but I haven’t seen him this worked up since Tito bowed out of that boxing match,” the source said. “But he’s practically foaming at the mouth, he says if he hears “Pitbull” one more time he’s going to bitch slap Scott Coker.”


“I don’t know what Coker has to do with nicknaming fighters, but that’s been Dana’s favorite threat ever since the acquisition,” the source continued.


Stay tuned to MMA Gonzo for the latest news from the nickname panel, which is expected to make a ruling on Kenny “Ken Flo” Florian soon.



Bellator CEO Rebney defecting to stage

With the recent sale of a majority interest in Bellator Fighting Championships to media giant Viacom, MMA Gonzo has learned that Bellator founder and CEO Bjorn Rebney has told Bellator production staff that he will step down from the organization to pursue his second passion – musical theatre.

The Bellator boss is reportedly close to landing the role of Riff Raff in an off-off-Broadway Halloween season production of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.”

Science fiction...

MMA Gonzo caught up with Georgio Sandoval, who plays Dr. Frankenfurter, the sweet transvestite from transexual Transylvania, in the production.

“Everything’s groovy like an old Steve Reves’ movie,” Sandoval said. “We definitely needed a new Riff Raff after the Magenta incident, and Bjorn seems to be pretty dedicated.  He knows the script backwards and forwards – and you should see him do ‘The Time Warp.'”

Check out Bjorn and crew at the East Village YMCA, shows run through Halloween weekend.

...double feature

Rumour: UFC-brand furniture may be coming soon

MMA Gonzo Rumour Wire

No, you're not in the Twilight zone, this shit actually exists...

Wan’t to “Get in on” in the Octagon? You might have the chance soon… Zuffa LLC. is rumoured to be in negotiations for a UFC based furniture line, which may include a faux-chain lined Octagon parasol bed.

UFC president Dana White weighed in on the possibility of UFC-branded furniture.

“If people want to buy this fucking shit, we’ll make it. I personally prefer sleeping on a water mattress filled with  the fucking entrails of those who dare oppose me, but to each his own,” said White. “We’re just touching the tip of the iceberg with this shit, wait to you see what we have in store for the kitchen.”

Stay tuned to MMA Gonzo for the latest cage-fighting capitalism updates.


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Breaking News: Soul-Glo to sponsor Guida vs. Henderson

By Pierre Stapleton
MMA Gonzo staff writer

The sponsorship business in the sport of MMA is alive and kicking and MMA Gonzo just learned that one company has pulled a Kumite-worthyVan Damme spinner.

With all MMA eyes going to be on the UFC’s Fox Sports debut, 80’s powerhouse “Soul Glo” has agreed to a one-fight deal with UFC lightweights Clay Guida and Ben Henderson for their UFC on Fox tilt Nov. 12. Capitalizing on the frenzied  follicle madness of the matchup with their BP-like entrance onto the MMA sponsorship landscape, Soul Glo has emerged from the shadows of yesteryear to take center stage.

This shit's gonna wash out, right?

MMA Gonzo recently spoke to the CEO of the company and Sexual Chocolate was literally beaming with excitement:

“It’s been a hot minute since we were on the map but we back baby. Fads come and go in this world and it’s hard to keep up with what’s hot. Just yesterday I walked into a music store to update my cassette collection and I discover they don’t even sell them shits anymore. Can you believe that?” asked Chocolate.

The company saw its stocks skyrocket after the Eddie Murphy vehicle “Coming to America” did big numbers at the box office, but following the movie, and several other unforeseen tragedies, the shine faded at Soul Glo.

“I ain’t gonna lie man, when Ice Cube dropped the curl I knew we were in trouble,” Chocolate said. “Everybody started getting nervous but I knew better because we still had Eazy-E. I would have bet money Mr. ‘Get in My Automobile’ would be around for a long time – in fact I did bet money on it. Didn’t see that shit coming.

“Eazy died and took the curl with it. Times were tough but while everybody else went looking for better jobs, I hunkered down in my mother’s basement and rode out the drought. Now that Guida and Henderson are doing their thing on Fox, it’s our time to shine. Yeah I said that. Make sure you get that quote in there.”

Come Nov. 12, everyone watching on Fox will feel ‘The Glo’!

Keep up with the latest MMA sponsorship news at

Gracie Gym source: Diaz readying for press conferences

An inside source at Cesar Gracie’s Gym told MMA Gonzo that UFC welterweight Nick Diaz’s preparation for his upcoming UFC 137 bout against B.J. Penn  is “85 percent public speaking”:

Today...I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of this earth, homie.

“Nick’s already got great boxing, and killer subs, so he’s kind of got the MMA stuff all figured out – until he gets on the mic, that’s been kind of embarrassing,” said the source. “This fight camp instead of focusing on the physical aspects of training, Nick and Cesar have both agreed that he should spend his time learning how to put a sentence together.”

“That’s not to mention all the time we’ve put into the etiquette and manors work we’ve done,” continued the source, “I can guarantee you one thing – Win, lose, or draw next week, Nick is definitely going to pick up the salad fork first at his post-fight meal.”

The source went on to say that Diaz’s tardiness to Wednesday’s UFC 137 media conference call was simply “going over notes for the call.”

The results of Diaz’s tireless efforts trying to become fluent in English certainly showed at Wednesday’s call. An excerpt from the proceedings:

“I don’t get no help and I don’t worry about no help. That’s what takes up all my time, training. I’m trying to become the best in the world here,” said Diaz.

“And that’s the best in the world! Alright? That’s what you’re dealing with here. This is a whole world out there. Ain’t nobody can beat me. That’s pretty bad.”

Stay tuned to MMA for more UFC 137 updates.


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…Sources close to the situation are indicating Yamma Pit Fighting LLC. is among the interested parties for Spike TV’s vacated UFC programming slots…a Royce Gracie vs. Tim Sylvia  open-weight Superfight in Mexico has been discussed as the main event for a live broadcast…


MMA Gonzo Rumour Wire

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The Last Temptation of Jason Reinhardt.

The Last Temptation of Jason Reinhardt.

By: Pierre Stapleton

We’ve all seen it a million times. The lobby of the fighter hotel, jam-packed with combatants and eager fans alike. All a pile of souls milling about looking for either the elevator or an autograph, but for one lackluster UFC fighter-this was his “moment”.

Amidst the pre-fight chaos, MMA veteran Jason Reinhardt was sitting in the corner hashing out his game plan, talking about the wild world of wonder and possibilities, the epic “can’s and can’t dos” with his team of consultants.

To the layperson it would appear that Reinhardt was actually sitting alone, but MMA Gonzo has it on solid authority from “sources close to the situation” that Reinhardt was conversing with several of his inner-personalities.

The conversation was intense, noticeable from Reinhardt’s wild-frenzy driven eyes, and from the basic skills of observation it became obvious he had come to terms with what had to be done. There would be no Hosannas on this day for it was deemed that Reinhardt would sacrifice himself to the sport on the Sabbath.

MMA Gonzo caught with Rodrigo (Reinhardt’s 4th inner-companion) and this is what he had to say:

“It was a grizzly scene. Most fighters would say that most of the work preparing for a fight happens in the gym but with Jason, it is all happening upstairs. Now I can’t release the details of that floor plan because it would disrupt the eco-system we have here but do you know who M.C. Escher is?”

After 15 minutes of conversation on “Artistic Illusions” we finally got back to the subject at hand.

“Make no bones about it; Jason knew what was needed of him. The burden of coming into a fight you are going to lose is tough enough but when you put the entire burden of the sport on your shoulders, well that becomes an entirely different issue. I co-signed on the religious motivations only because I was forced to by the other occupants. They figured since the card fell on Sunday it was all something they could support. I normally wouldn’t push this agenda because I’m an atheist.”

Knowing the road ahead of him was grim; Reinhardt entered the ring and prepared for the pain that was to come. His suffering would not be quick, nor would it be drawn out, simply one and a half rounds of beating served fresh from the hands and feet of Brazilian upstart Edwin Figueroa. After the crowd cried for mercy and the referee stopped the one-sided violence, his task was finished. Wild eyes now wobbled, Reinhardt knew his “mision para Dios” had been completed. He shuffled back to his corner, mumbled to his inner-counsel and made the long march back to obscurity.

Rodrigo added, “No one will ever know what Jason did for the sport. Well they might because I’m giving this interview but I’m pretty sure that nobody believes anything I say anyways.”

A martyr of MMA or a bottom tier fighter with psychological issues?

You make the call — but don’t you dare call him crazy.

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Hong-Man’s guide to hosting

7-foot-2 South Korean K1/MMA superfreak Choi Hong-Man insists that he did not punch a female patron at his pub in Gwangjin, Korea.

…Moments before the alleged attack.

The “Techno Goliath” instead “pushed” the allegedly rowdy female after a verbal altercation erupted.

“If I am lying, I will quit my career as a K-1 fighter,” said Hong-Man after the incident.

Speaking on a condition of anonymity to MMA Gonzo  a  high-ranking South Korean police official was dismissive of the female’s claims.

“We’ve all seen Choi’s fights,” he said, “and we have yet to see any evidence of actual punching – I don’t know why he’d start now. If the lady in question had alleged Choi was awkwardly sauntering about the ring while Minowa danced circles around him, or wildly flailing his arms in a motion that resembles doggy-paddling, she might have a case. But actually punching someone? Sister, please.

“And didn’t he already quit his career as K1 fighter?” the official added.

Stay tuned to MMA Gonzo for more breaking news from Gwangjin.

Feeling surreal?  Check out Choi vs. Jose Canseco. in the 2009 Dream SuperHulk tournament (this actually happened).

Training methods are improving in South Korea.


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Joe Son Do finally lives up to its lethal potential

Late-breaking news on the now readily apparent divinity of Keith Hackney:

Joe Son (best known to the world as “Random Task” from Austin Powers),

… the cross-bearing Kimo coach who entered the annals of MMA glory in UFC 4 with his seldom utilized “Iron Cup” defense, he of the recent life sentence for gang rape, finally has his first win in cage fighting – reportedly killing his cellmate in a recent altercation.

Officials say Joseph Son, 40, has been identified as a suspect in the death of an inmate at Wasco State Prison, reports CBS station KCBS. The 50-year-old inmate, who has not been publicly identified, was found dead in his cell on the evening of Oct. 10.

–from link

Of course, the cage fight involved here was against a middle-aged fellow sex offender and contested in a Wasco, California , prison cell, but regardless, the win does move Son’s record to 1-4 in No Holds Barred action (unofficially).


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